We wanted a marriage not a wedding

Weddings are such a wonderful event that people always want to be a part of. It’s such a joyous occasion, it does not matter if the ceremony varies culturally or religiously, the meaning of the event remains the same for everyone.

When it hits closer to home we’re always amazed to see or hear how people decide to celebrate their “wedding day“. It is a beautiful and wonderful celebration to be a part of afterall, what it stands for and what it means.

When we were planning our wedding day, we were fortunate enough to have the same beliefs and values so there were no surprises as to how we wanted our special day to be like. What we truly wanted was to be surrounded by our loved ones. That’s it. Our decisions were based on what we wanted and not worry about which flower is in season and if we wanted a photo booth or not to keep our guests entertained.

We know that planning a wedding isn’t that simple anymore; there is a wedding industry that is booming as more and more people want that grand wedding day (thanks to media and advertising). There is a great demand for it. To celebrate their wedding day – bigger, better and more outrageous and spectacular than the last. Sad but true, we feel that the real meaning of this special day is lost to the unsatisfiable desire for more.

Dont get us wrong, we completely understand why couples feel that they want such a grand day. For western cultures, it is only celebrated for one day. Sure, you would want it to be beautiful and wonderful but let’s face the reality of it, the planning, preparations, time and money that is to be spent on that day do add up. The dress fittings, bonbonnieres, flowers, invitations, bridal showers, hens/bucks nights, honeymoon… the list goes on – and they all cost (a lot of) money.

We focused on planning our married life together rather than planning our wedding day. We knew that after the wedding day, we would have the rest of lives to continue celebrating our marriage. Having that in mind throughout the planning stage was a lot more exciting for us, that we would have our lives ahead of us rather than focusing solely on that one day. This isn’t to say that we didn’t have to plan, prepare and schedule for our wedding day. It just didn’t take over what we thought the real meaning of the event was.

We quickly realised then that we are expected and somewhat pressured to conform to society but we all have a choice. It might be a bitter pill to swallow for families particularly with cultural or traditional expectations but never forget that it is YOUR day not theirs. Have you questioned why certain things are a ‘must’ at your wedding day? For you to have bridal showers, hens/bucks parties? (we didn’t have any of this as we simply didn’t want to oblige people to spend money on such things). It becomes a societal expectation more than anything.

We noticed that people are being pressured subconsciously to want bigger weddings because they can, because they believe they need to outdo others, becasue it’s how weddings have always been done and because they are constantly bombarded with the illusion to that “more” is better. The sad part is, have they actually considered what they actually wanted their day to signify? Have they included each other (and exclude everyone else) in the decision-making? Have they been working as a team? What do they want their wedding to mean?

The trend seems to continue to try to have it ALL; bigger and grander weddings – according to Canstar the average wedding in Australia is now $65,000 (close to US$50,000). To us, that seems to be a whole lot of money to be spent on the one day. Wedding day or any other day… That is someone’s yearly salary or in some cases, two people’s yearly salary combined.

So what do most have to do to in order to have their special day? Borrow money, expect or ask their parents to fork some of their hard-earned money to have their unforgettable day.

What happens after the wedding day is what will be unforgettable (in our opinion). Paying back the money you borrowed from your financial institution, possibly now owing money to your parents. These financial responsibilities will be waiting for you as a newlywed couples as you open your presents, sort out your lives as a couple and your honeymoon is nothing but a distant memory.

Great way to start married life right? So why do we say what happens after the wedding day will be unforgettable… Well, that’s the start of your married life, the start of working together as a team. There’ll be more “We’s” than “I’s”…

“Today is the beginning of our forever” – F&M

Many of us will get tempted to please others in order to have that wedding day all that is expected, that sadly, has now become the norm. At the end of the day, it will be you and your beloved partner that will be left to work on your marriage, no one else. Having that insurmountable debt over your heads isn’t exactly the most ideal way to kick things off as Mr. & Mrs., is it?

So having a grand wedding day to start your married life, is it all really worth it?

Married life is grand… Yes, it does and yes we have said this out loud to others. Why shouldn’t it be? You chose who you want to be with, and they chose to be with you? We can understand that some out there decide to get married for the wrong reasons, but let’s say “generally” most people have the right intentions. We find married life to be full of excitement and full of joy as we get to spend and choose our lives on how we want to with the person we chose.

Your wedding day is the celebration of your commitment to one another, don’t start your married life having to commit to the bank or worse your family or friends. We don’t think you should be ignoring your family or cultural traditions but rather keep an open mind about the financial impact it may have on you both and your families. We all want this day to be extra special but never stray from your values nor be tempted or blinded by the allure of fancy, flashy promise of bigger is better. We firmly believe that the only commitment you should be having is with your partner, begin your married life by making decisions as one.


2 thoughts on “We wanted a marriage not a wedding

  1. I absolutely love this. You two are big role models. I love following your journey – your travels, the passion you have for life, the positive outlook you bring and most importantly the love you two have for each other. This is the definition of ‘it’s the simple things in life’. Keep inspiring and keep doing what you are doing because what you’re doing could influence lives in a positive way. Much love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Sending the love right back at you! We feel so privileged to have the opportunity to travel and learn so much about the world, ourselves and from others – strangers and friends like you alike. life is fleeting, it’s too selfish not to share our thoughts.


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